


Rumpelstiltskin

by Mc_Mimi



Series: Misplaced Causes and their Effects [2]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Loki's Kids, M/M, Post Avengers (Movie), Stark Snark, Warning: Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-07 08:45:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mc_Mimi/pseuds/Mc_Mimi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something strange is going on is Asgard, now that Loki has been recaptured.  The horses do as they please.  The children do as the please.  And the birds behave as though they're auditioning for a Hitchcock movie.  Everyone is ill at ease but Thor especially feels distressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Kingdom for a Horse

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place, one year after the Moldy Old Parchment, and about three years after The Avengers Movie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four year hiatus is not that long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited 9/27/13
> 
> I have no beta and I'm terribly impatient when I'm throwing this out, sorry for all the mistakes.
> 
> *re-edited 10-7-17

The Allmother, Queen Frigga of Asgard is loyal to her husband.

The Allmother’s handmaidens are loyal to the Queen.

Most of the older ladies and maidens are sympathetic to the Queen, who has been wracked with illness and heartache since Loki’s fall from the Bifrost.

However, Gersemi and Hnoss have never been fond of Loki.  So when they overhear a servant warn a page to not enter the stables where Loki is visiting Sleipnir, (with permission from the Queen), they alert the Warriors Three.  And Sif.  The Warriors Three and Sif do not tell Thor about their plans to trap the trickster the next time he appears.  A whole month passes, and Thor is furious when he hears that his closest friends have captured Loki using the trickster god’s own child as bait.  He stops speaking to all four them.

* * *

A year later, Thor invites the Avengers to Asgard for the nine-day celebration of Asgard’s founding.  And the last day just happens to fall on Thor’s name day this year.  “The calendar only has such a day every 600 years.  I’ve only seen a celebration like this once and would greatly appreciate having all of you there as ambassadors of your world.” 

Captain America thanks Thor for the invite but declines, “Sorry Thor.  But I don’t think the whole team can afford to take time off.  This world is kind of always in peril.”

“Bullshit,” says Tony Stark.  He brushes past the captain, knocking shoulders, and stands beside Thor.  “This sounds like a world-saving PR mission.  I know all about those.  I’m in.  Besides I love to see what kind of dungeon or time out corner you guys put Loki away in.”  He looks around the room at his teammates.  “Who else wants in?”

Clint raises his hand, “Didn’t you say something about an all-seeing guard or something?”

“Aye,” smiles Thor.  “Heimdall would tell us immediately if your world needed our attention.”

Clint smiles back at Thor.  “I wanted a vacation anyway. I’ll go if Tash goes.”

Natasha kicks Clint under the table.  “What are you some kind of wart?  We don’t have to go anywhere together.”

Clint frowns, “…but Maui, Berlin, Budapest-“

She kicks him again and sighs.  “Alright, I’ll go.  But only if I get paid leave.”

“That’s my girl!” Tony claps Thor on the shoulder.  “I’m sure Brucey B wants to go too.  I’ll get our things packed and we’ll be all set here.  Now.  How do we get there again?”

Captain America still shakes his head, “I don’t know about this, guys.  Director Fury would be… well furious, if he knew we were going to skip out on the Earth just to go to a birthday party.  No offense Thor.”

“None taken, friend Steve.  But think of it in this light.  I am not just a fellow teammate.  I am Thor.  God of Thunder, Son of Odin, and Prince of Asgard.  I hereby order all of you to attend my realm’s festival and to decline will not only displease me but incur my wrath as well.  Would Fury not be more upset if I destroyed the downtown in your Land of Angels?”

Steve looks to Stark for a translation and the billionaire provides one.  “We got to go now.  Diplomatic mission.  Or else he fries LA.”

Natasha stands up and leaves, “I’m going to put in my vacation paperwork.”

Clint follows her.  That leaves Thor and Steve standing on opposite sides of Stark.  He looks up at one then the other.  “Air, you guys.  I need to breathe.  And standing here, like being between two brick walls.  Two buff, blond, heroic walls.”  He doesn’t hesitate to run both of his hands down their chests.  “Oh,” he says shaking out his shoulders, “I needed that.”

This slightly amuses Thor and gives Steve a headache.

“In Asgard, friend Stark, nearly all the men share the same qualities in appearance.  I trust you will be able to control yourself.”

 Stark looks offended by that and walks off.  “You mustn’t know me at all.”

 

* * *

 

Loki is again imprisoned by the word of Odin.  Though Thor rarely visits him, his word can still control Loki.  However, Loki doesn’t have to worry about his brother.  No one outside of their family (and Heimdall) knows about the marriage contract.  When he was captured by the Warriors Three inside Sleipnir’s stable, Odin had a word with him in private.  The one-eyed King took away the majority of his powers.  All Loki is left with are his innate powers of making ice (which he won’t use) and shapeshifting.  So to further irk his adoptive father, Loki changes his form daily.  He changes into beasts and monsters for a whole year, destroying furniture and injuring guards.

The only time he behaves himself is for his mother and for her close entourage.  Women he grew up with and some he even helped bring into the world when studying midwifery with his mother. 

A week before Thor goes to seek out the Avengers, Loki changes back into a man and sits beside the one large window he is afforded.  He hasn’t been keeping track of the time since his imprisonment, but he smiles to himself when he feels the air change and knows it is nearly time for the harvest and Asgard’s annual, week-long celebration is about to begin.  Every soul in Asgard will prepare to head for the capital.  He smiles again watching a group of young boys runs around in the fields outside his tower.

* * *

When they first arrive, the Midgardians (mainly captain America) wants to be assured that Loki isn’t being tortured by snakes like they read about on Wikipedia, so Thor takes them to the tower keep where Loki is being held.  Loki threw a tantrum this week, and now as a girl parades around naked as often as possible.  Often standing at his window where anyone could see him.  This greatly distresses Thor.   Especially when Tony turns his camera up to the window, “Let’s see if we can get a Daenerys Targaryen shot for my Tumblr.”  Thor ignores Stark since he’s clearly speaking another language outside the All-Tongue.

The group of heroes stands at the tower’s base and watch as Queen Frigga’s servants come and go from the one large heavy metallic door. 

Thor nods to the maidens who are leaving now with dressmaking forms and fabrics.  Then he turns to Steve, “I would take you up to further assure you, Captain, but Loki’s is being difficult of late.  I cannot take you to see him myself.  Perhaps another time.”

Out of the door comes Frigga, holding out both hands to her son and accepting a kiss on the cheek.  “Thor, I thought I heard your voice down here.  It does carry so.”  She turns her attention to the Avengers.  “You must be Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.  I bid you welcome.  Especially during this time of celebration.”

Steve holds out his hand and gives the Allmother a good ol’ fashion American handshake.  “It’s a pleasure, your majesty.  I’m Steve Rogers.  This is,” he stops when looks down to see that Stark (who was taking pictures of everything), is now focusing his camera phone on just below the Queen’s neck.  He decides to skip Tony.  “This Natasha Romanov.”

Natasha bows and the Queen nods back in appreciation.  Thor slaps Bruce and Clint on their respective shoulders.  “And these fine fellows are Bruce Banner and Eyehawk!”

Clint glares at Thor and shrugs the big man’s hand off.  “I know you’re doing that on purpose.  It’s least cute when Jane Foster is not around.”  He extends a hand himself, “Just call me Clint ma’am.”

After the greetings, the Queen turns them all away from the tower.  “I assure you, Captain.  Loki is fine.  A little temperamental perhaps, but he will survive this.  He has an unending well of strength to draw from.”

The Queen takes them to Thor’s residence in the palace which has plenty of guest rooms for all the Avengers.  “I will send you tailors in the morning if you should like to change for the apple picking ceremony tomorrow evening.”

Tony was lagging behind with his camera, “That’s the third time I’ve heard someone mention apples.  Aren’t there supposed to be golden apples or something?  I haven’t seen one.”

Frigga nods and takes his camera, “And you won’t.  But please enjoy your stay here, Midgard Hero.”

With that, she leaves, with the camera and few of Tony’s brain cells.

“What just happened?  Why’d your mom get all klepto with my stuff?”

Thor doesn’t answer and no one else asks.  He just shows them all their bedrooms. “You will have a good night’s rest here.  We have much to discuss in the morning.  I will return to take you to supper.”

* * *

 

Steve unpacks in his room and wonders about how big this wing of the palace is if Thor can easily fit so many guests here.  The suite he’s sharing with Natasha and Clint is all a blur of gold and red furnishings.  It’s one thing for your friend to say things like, “god” and “prince”.  It’s another for the meaning behind those words to hit a kid from Brooklyn in the face with this much opulence. Steve takes in a deep breath and lies on the bed and looks around again.  “Where’s the bathroom?”

Outside in the suite’s living area Clint is touching everything and looking in every nook and cranny when he suddenly stops and turns to Natasha.  She’s sitting at the table eating all the cherries from a bowl of fruit.  She stops, “What?”

“Where’s the bathroom?”

Natasha shrugs and eats another cherry. 

* * *

 

Thor later finds his mother outside of one of her gardens.

“Will you return that to Stark before he leaves?”

She smiles and takes a picture of a butterfly landing on an orchid.  “No.  I think I will hold on to this.”

Thor laughs and leads her to a bench.  “And father.” He says, suddenly grim.  “Is he any better?  He seemed to be ill at the council meeting.”

She nods, “After you left to fetch your friends… your father did the strangest thing.  He brought Sleipnir up to the dining hall, and let him eat from your seat at the table.  It was most peculiar, Thor.”

“The horse was in my seat,” says Thor imagining such a sight.

“Your place at the table, Thor.”

Thor bows his head.  He cannot look his mother in the eyes when he remembers when he first saw Sleipnir, Loki, and their little family on earth.  “Perhaps shame has finally caught up with him.  It caught me long ago.  I should not have let myself rage against innocent children, my own brother… his first beloved.”

Frigga wipes away what may be tears on the Thunder God’s check.  “You know how I felt about the whole thing.  If we could do this again, and we will, I would have left Loki to his happy life in Midgard.  But your father…”

“Had greater schemes in mind.  I know.  Could you not try to break the contract… perhaps with help from Idunn.”

Frigga shushes him, “We’ve been down this road before, Thor.  There’s nothing I can do, yet.  Your father refuses all of us.”

Thor stands up in frustration and begins to pace in front of his mother.  “For what purpose?!  Why does he carry on with this delusion?  I have always wanted to rule by Loki.  But as equals, as brothers, as we were brought up to be!  I will not permit my father to make my brother a courtly whore to settle a war we weren’t even born for!”

Frigga smiles and takes Thor hand, pulling him back into the seat beside her.  “First thing, my son.  You were brought up to be King of Asgard.  And Loki was meant to stand beside you.  In _my_ place.  And for the second, my son.  Loki was meant to be king of Jotunheim.  He still is, even as his true younger brother rules.  So do not ever think for a moment that we would give you a _King_ and expect anyone alive to call him a whore.”  She kisses him on the forehead.  “And a third thing, my son.  Loki is still my child.  He sought comfort at my feet and learned my arts peeking over my shoulder.  And I will not permit this to go on for much longer.  It may take more time, but I will convince your father sooner or later to turn his mind towards other resolves.  Do you understand?”

“Aye, Mother.  Thank you.”  Thor settles onto the bench and leans down, letting his head rest on his mother’s shoulder.

In the distance, he can hear children shouting.  The young men in Asgard have been very unruly as of late.  Fighting and playing pranks and defacing property.  And it distresses Thor greatly.

* * *

 

That night as the great dining hall starts to fill up with the first guests to arrive for the festival, Thor leads his friends to the high table where Odin is seated.

Thor is surprised to see his mother is right.  His eight-legged nephew does indeed occupy his seat at the table. So Thor sits further down and hastens his friends from earth to sit as well.  Tony cranes his neck and takes a picture with yet another device he’s smuggled into Asgard.

Steve yanks him back by the collar, “Don’t stare, Tony.  It’s rude.”

“It’s a horse.  It’s a horse at the table.”  Tony reaches for something to drink, but he can’t reach.

Thor passes Tony a tankard of ale, “I told you as much.”

Tony takes a careful sip.  He knows from experience that even he can’t handle the Asgard’s level of alcohol, so he plans to take it slow.  For now.  “So.  The horse myth about Loki.  He ahh, really did turn into a mare and got knocked up?”

Clint frowns, “I don’t think I want to hear about this.”

Bruce carefully eats around a giant leg of some animal.  “I don’t think anyone wants to hear about this.”

Tony puts down his tankard.  “I want to hear about this.  Spin the yarn, Point Break.”

Thor tells them about his nieces and nephews, and judiciously leaves out the part where they were all human once.  “Fenrir is locked away here.  He’s grown into an enormous wolf in the heart of Asgard.  And Jörmungandr is indeed the world serpent of Midgard, though he may have wandered off from there since.”

The others look disbelieving but then at the head of the table, they hear a loud neigh.  They all look over in time to see Odin smiling and feeding his grandson a carrot.  He then rises, kisses his wife on the cheek and leads the eight-legged stallion out of the hall.

The whole hall was hushed as the King walked away, but returns to animated chatter.  The Queen excuses herself leaves as well.

Thor frowns because his home has become so strange in the last few years, he hardly knows what to expect next.  Here he is at the highest table seated with gods, and now his mortal friends replace his longest known comrades.  He misses them but still hasn’t forgiven them for how they captured Loki.

To Thor’s side, Tony is starting to slouch.  He looks as though he may pass out any second.

Thor smiles down at his tiny friend, grabbing him by the collar.  “I think it is time we all retire.  We have an early morning tomorrow.”

Steve grabs Tony’s other arm. “I agree.  I’ll get this slob back to his room.”

Bruce stands up and removes both Thor’s and Steve’s hands.  With practiced ease, he lifts the now sleeping body of Tony Stark into a fireman’s carry.  “It’s okay you guys.  I got him.”

Natasha smiles and plates Bruce some more, “Taking him back to the honeymoon suite, Dr. Banner?”

Bruce raises an eyebrow and accepts the plate of sweets and fruit.  “No.  I’ll leave him in Thor’s bed.”  He turns to Thor with a grin, “Happy birthday.”

Thor sinks into his seat.  He briefly imagines waking up to naked, drunken, red-eyed, jabbering, Tony Stark.

The thought alone distresses him greatly.

 


	2. Thor vs. Ironman: the Smackdown part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor started it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated: I pressed that damn post without preview button again, didn't I.
> 
> *edited 10-7-17

Seamstresses and tailors accompany several of the Queen’s personal handmaidens as they move in on Thor’s guests.  In a hurry of efficient motion, they dress each of the Avengers in clothing they feel fits the profile given to them by Thor.

They dress the Lady Natasha in a sleek black gown with emerald earrings and a long ruby pendant.  They assure her the jewels were recovered by Broom Hilde herself on a perilous quest some seven thousand years ago.  Natasha is pleased with the offering and agrees that the whole wardrobe they made her overnight fits her tastes.

They dress Clint, who they were told was as serious as any proud huntsman renowned for his aim, in leather and suede and… Clint doesn’t look much different and he feels comfortable.  He appreciates the ancient bow and quiver they tell him once belong to a giant slayer who felled a giant from a world away then grappled in a manly contest with the giant’s menacing sons.  To which Clint replies, “I could do that.”

They carefully measure Bruce and dress him with like a sorcerer.  Robes in rich violet silk and they gift him with a book of healing from Eir’s personal collection, that translates in the All-Tongue, as “Healers Hands” and they are eager to answer all of his curious questions, remarking that he reminds them of Loki when he was a child.  To which Bruce replies, “Thank you.  That’s… kind of nice.”

Steve is tall and nearly Aesir in their estimations.  They dress him like a warrior, an Einherjar.  He looks very good in the white gold armor and his dark blue cape is lined with embroidered stars.  They gift him with a shield they say was worn by Borr himself, who was handsome like Steve in his youth.  To this Steve blushes and graciously accepts the old bronze shield.

The others are already dressed and mulling around Tony and Bruce’s suite waiting for the billionaire to get dressed when they hear yelling and cursing.  Two handmaidens come running out and huffily decide to leave the rooms altogether.  Behind them, Tony finally steps out in a motley hat, a checkered red and gold tunic and clownish boots with bells.  “What the hell is this!”

The others break out laughing and pointing at Stark, just as Thor arrives.  He appraises everyone and then takes a look at Tony.  “I told them you were most like a court jester.  I suppose they thought to see you look the part.”  He smiles and walks off while the other Avengers laugh and point at Tony some more.  Tony takes off one of his leather gloves and throws it at the back of Thor’s head, “Oh yeah, big guy!  Well, gauntlet down!  Let’s get this on.  Come on, you take the first swing.”

Thor bends down and picks up the glove, still smiling.  “I already did.” 

The others laugh harder and Tony storms off into his room to change.

* * *

 

At breakfast (with Tony dressed in a grey suit from his luggage) Thor tells his guests that they are free to explore Asgard until the ceremony that evening.  Afterwards, they will all attend the first night's feasts.  “I would like to show you more myself, but I have not been up to see Loki in some time.  I worry… well, I would I like to see him today and there is a good chance he may throw me out of a window or set my hair on fire. Again.”

Tony laughs, “Yeah.  Saucy little minx.”

“Stark,” Starts Thor but Tony continues.

“I really dig all the up to date tech you guys got going on in here.  Candles, gold, and giant slabs of meat.  It’s a real back to nature groovy thing you got working for you.”

Bruce leans over and whispers, “Did you just say, ‘groovy’?”

Tony continues, shrugging his friend over, “Not the point.”

“And what is your point, friend Stark.”  Thor leans backs and smiles at Tony good-naturedly.

“Hey, it’s cool.  I am completely okay with the whole space Viking, Conan, warrior princess thing.  It’s fine.  It's more than fine.  In fact, if history taught us anything, there’s nothing more authentic than a good ole’ fashion orgy or something at harvests rite things.  I am definitely all right with that.  You guys throw a swell party.”

“And it is all the better for you coming here,” says Thor raising his cup.

“Damn right it is better.  There’s no party with no Tony.”

“Aye and there’s no world with smog, either.”

“Sorry?”  Tony looks up at his ridiculously-tall-even-when-sitting comrade.

“Our world,” Thor continues.  “The air doesn’t stink as it does in Midgard.  I need not have a second thought before throwing myself into any body of water.  I have seen a great swirling pool of your plastics trash in your eastern ocean and I have had the displeasure of flying through your foul air.  You poor creatures.  If only you had sense enough to sustain yourself before you started growing, you would not be starving now.  For more than food.   For air and water, and land as well.”

Bruce leans over to Tony and whispers, “Burn.”

“Shut up!” Snaps Tony.  “It’s not like I’m king of earth or something.  Hell, I didn’t pollute it.  And hello, Stark newest technology, my technology is clean.  Long lasting, clean and-“

“Based on an _ancient_ Asgard artifact.”  Thor interrupts, with a broad smile on his face.

“Burn,” Bruce whispers across the table to Natasha and Clint.

Tony turns to Bruce and pinches his leg, “Shut up!”

“You should not talk to your lover so,” comments Thor, watching for any sign that Banner is turning green at breakfast.

“Lover?  This guy? No.”  Even while he says it Tony feels like he just crossed the line, and being him, he’s not going back.  Even if he is severely injured for his comments.

“Tony,” starts Bruce.  But Stark continues over him.

“I can replace him in a heartbeat.  In fact, how’s your sister doing?  It’s been awhile since I pawed her enormous-“

“Tony!  You don’t say shit like that to Thor.  Or me.”  Tony realizes he might be pissing off the wrong guy and he really doesn’t want to make him angry.  Not at breakfast.  He imagines himself wiping that imaginary line out of the sand.

“Apologies.  About the you thing.  Not the sister.  Hell, you might even be into it.  Hell, Loki might be into it…”

Thor looks thoughtful, “You are probably right.”

“---say what now?”

Thor gets up and pats Tony on the shoulder as he leaves, “Loki is notorious for his whoring.  He’ll lay with just about _anything_ odd enough, the more unworthy the creature the more likely he is anger our father.  And he’s always had strange ways for dwarven kind.”

Bruce again leans over, “Bur—“

“Don’t.  Don’t say anything.  Help me by being useful here.”  

“Sorry, apparently I’m easy to replace.  See you at dinner.”

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone decides to go in different directions.  Bruce abandons Tony and goes to follow some young ladies back to the healing room to ask Eir about his book.  Clint disappears.  One moment he was at the table, the next he was gone.  No one sees him again until dinner. 

Tony decides to find Thor’s mom and get his camera back. 

He runs into a guard detail and gets turned away from the Queen’s private sanctum.  Then he tries to sneak in over a wall.  Then he tries to trick a guard into letting him inside.  Only when all of these attempts fail, (the guards treat him like he’s fallen on his head and needs to be pitied), does he decide to put on his Ironman suit.  He starts to fly over the wall and sees the Queen just inside it.  She raises a hand to block out the sun and smiles at him, waving the camera.  Below, a guard has thrown a magic javelin that knocks him down but doesn’t harm him in the suit.  When he comes down, they wave a magic wand (literally) and his suit comes apart, leaving him defenseless.   Tony picks up a gauntlet, and then throws it back down at their feet, before stamping away in angry (tiny) blur.  The guardsmen figure that’s all the amusement they will get for that day.

Meanwhile, Natasha slinks back to Loki’s tower.  She slips in the door when a couple of the Queen’s handmaidens leave.   She tells the guard that one of the ladies forgot a pair of scissors.  Dressed as she is, he thinks she is some lord’s daughter seeking a position in the Queen’s entourage.  He lets her pass and tells her not to bother Loki for he could still be dangerous.  “Call out if he has changed into a dragon or some other vile creature and we will come for you.”

She nods her understanding and goes up.

She’s surprised to find the room doesn’t have a door.  Just a thick curtain of black silk, that is heavily embroidered with Norse runes.  She steps into the room and is also surprised to find that yesterday’s Lady Godiva, is now…  Well, he’s still naked.  Loki is clearly a man, soaking with his eyes closed in a great clawed, golden tub in the middle of the room.  The room itself is cluttered with books and papers, broken shelves, broken chairs, a broken desk.  There’s a small table where his breakfast has just been laid out, and a large dresser that has pushed to its side, leaving an assortment of clothes scattered on the floor.   The bed near the one great window, is high and canopied with the black silk, just like from the door.

She decides to sit on the only unbroken chair, somewhat near the exit.  “Need a towel?”

He takes in a deep breath and holds out one hand, “Be a doll and hand me that wine, Lady Widow.”

She sits up and fetches him the whole bottle.  “It’s a little early to be drinking.”

“Oh,” he says finally opening his eyes and getting a good look at her.  “But I am always early.  Just a little too far ahead for anyone’s comfort.”  He takes the bottle and drinks for a long moment.  When he’s done, he gives it back.  “But who cares about other people.”

She goes to sit back down, but he grabs her by the wrist.  “You are such a good friend to me, Lady Widow.  I told you something in confidence.  I told you I would take care of the problem, and still, you tried to help me.”

Natasha now finds she can’t move at all.  She’s pretty sure she knows what he’s talking about, “I knew sending Clint was a mistake, but I was already out of the building.  I actually thought I was doing you a favor.”

Loki lets the red-haired woman go.  He sneers, “Is that how women on Midgard start friendships?  Sharing feminine hygiene products?”  He looks at her in the eye.  “Do not lie to the liesmith, mortal child.”

Now it’s Natasha turn to take a deep breath, centering herself for the argument about to come.  And maybe worse.  “Look.  I didn’t mean to out you to Thor.  How was I supposed to know he would figure out you were playing him just because of your period.”

Loki laughs out loud.  “Because.  You stupid woman.  He’s known me all my life.  If I desired attention when I was younger and dressed as a maiden, well, I only did for few days at a time.  I never lived through a red week, unless I wanted to.  Thor knew that.  The great hulking imbecile actually knew that.”

Natasha sits back in her chair, “Guess he surprised us both.”

Loki grits his teeth, “Not hardly.  It does not matter anymore.  I am stuck in here for the rest of my days.  Or until I apologize, _sincerely_ for my crimes.”

“Then apologize,” says Natasha, raising an eyebrow.

Loki laughs again.  He points to the silk curtain.  “I can only tell the truth in this room.  I cannot cast spells, nor can I leave this room.  My mother is very detailed with her needlework.”

Natasha nods, “And why is it all over the bed?”

Loki cranes his neck to look back.  Then he points to the fur rugs around the bed.  “When I’m really naughty, they send me to time out.  With the curtains drawn, I cannot move from that bed until someone lets me out.  Since Thor knows this is in place, he rarely ever visits me and only ever with the Queen.”

The sun is high up in the sky but the room feels dark.  And there’s a static in the air that makes the hairs on the back of Natasha’s neck stand.  She shivers a little because the room is suddenly colder as well.  “Thor told us to look around.  You have any suggestions?”

Loki closes his eyes again and sinks into the water, until just his below his chin.  “Try the library.  It goes unoccupied at this time of day.”

Natasha offers Loki a little bow while he completely submerges himself.

When she gets back down to the base of the tower she hears honking.  She and the guardsman look up to the window.  They can’t see anything, but they can still hear honking.

* * *

 

“Your brother is a goose.”

Thor looks up from where the group of young boys he was entertaining with tales about his about battles on Midgard.  He sees his mother wearing a bemused expression.  “What do you mean?  Surely not…”

Frigga smiles, “A goose.  Your Black Widow and a guard saw him.  He has been chasing maids back out of the room ever since.”

The group of boys take up their wooden arms and tell their Prince and Queen goodbye while they run off to play.  Thor frowns while he watches them go.  “Aldric says his elder brother and a good many of his friends have left the capital today.  They did not pack for a hunt and they were not given permission to leave by their mothers.”

Frigga takes his arm and they both start for the tower.  “Aldric is Dagna’s youngest son.”

Thor already knows this, of course.  Dagna is a new young servant, she’s not much older than Thor and Loki.  She already has a large brood like Volstagg, which is rare in Asgard even among common people.  Thor never paid much attention to his mother’s entourage but he will always remember the day Dagni gave birth to her youngest daughter, Erna.  It was unexpected and about two months early, on a day when she was attending to Thor and Loki while they were on their way to visit Odin’s brother, Vali.

The road to their uncle’s home was washed out in a storm and they had to take shelter in a cave for a night.  Suddenly after midnight Dagna went into labor and had only two princes to midwife her.  Thor would not admit to anyone how afraid he was for her and the baby.  He felt clumsy and thought he would do more harm than good if he tried to help.  He passively assisted Loki to bring the child into the world, fetching water and cloths from their belongings.  Ruining his new tunic.  But it was worth it.  Baby Erna was a lovely, bawling, tiny baby.  Dagna passed out shortly after and Loki told Thor to hold the baby while he tended to Dagna.

The day after, Loki and Dagna poked fun at Thor for fainting.  They teased him more when he carefully averted his eyes while she was breastfeeding.  Loki had laughed and tousled his brother’s hair.  “What’s wrong Thor?  Did mother never tell you where babies came from?”

Thor smiles to himself remembering happier times, before his coronation.

He and Frigga don’t speak again until they reach the Tower and they go up without a word to the new guard standing watch.

Thor was hoping to have a moment to speak to Loki.  Perhaps to try and persuade him to apologize again, but Loki is not speaking to anyone.  He is apparently a goose.  A goose that has built a nest out of clothes on an overturned dresser.  Frigga does not bother to address her son as a goose but sits down by the doorway.

Thor slowly approaches the bird.  “Brother.  Do you not want to speak to mother, today?  I know you never care to see me… But perhaps you could be yourself for a short while.  For mother at least...”

The goose cants its head to the side and considers Thor.  It does not seem to care about Thor’s presence at all.  In fact, it then gets up from the nest and manages to hop and flutter over into the bathtub.  Thor sighs and assumes his brother is going to stay in this form for the rest of the day, perhaps the whole week just to spite him.  He is about to leave when his eyes catch an oval shape in the nest.  He looks into it and finds a large ceramic-white egg tucked into the sleeves of one of Loki’s robes. 

“Loki, is this,” He gently picks up the eggs and shows it his mother.

Frigga actually rolls her eyes and starts to leave.  “I do not believe that is a fertile egg, Thor.  Put it down.”

Thor looks to the goose swimming circles in the bathtub.  It doesn’t seem to care about Thor handling the egg so he must agree that it is not a future niece or nephew.  Still.  He decides to take it with him.

Back in Thor’s room, Tony has returned to eat lunch.  He finds Bruce is already there with a large crystal and his laptop out on the table. 

“What’s all this?”

Bruce ignores him and continues typing.

“Hello.  Stark to Banner.  Are you still mad about the thing this morning?  You know I didn’t mean to upset you or Val Hallen or the Infraggable Krunk.  My bad.”

Bruce looks up, “I’m sorry were you talking just then?”

Tony takes that to mean they’re okay.  He sits next to his BFF with benefits.  “What’s all this?”

“This,” Bruce says closing his laptop and pulling over the crystal.  “Is an Asgard Wi-fi.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep.  I’m online.  I’m online with an interdimensional network of mystical forces.  And now I can catch up on Grumpy Cat.”

Tony tries to assess how the weird glowing crystal is accessing YouTube.  Then he wonders if it can make a long distance call.  “I’m gonna try Pepper.”

Just as he pulls out his phone, Thor materializes behind him.  “I see you have found that technology you were looking for.”  Tony rolls his eyes and looks up.  He is about to say something when Thor snatches his phone away.

“Hey what’s with your family touching my stuff!”

Thor scrolls through the menu, “You have an unread message from the Lady Darcy?”  He opens it and laughs.  “She wishes to inquire whether or not you visited a New Mexico Hooters in the year 1986?”

While Tony is actually trying to come up with an answer, (he’s thinking, “1986?  I was in a lot of Hooters.  I was going through a Hooters phase,”) when he realizes the usually Tech invalid god of Thunder is actually thumbing out a reply on his phone.

“Hey, who taught you to text.”

“The Lady Darcy,”  Thor says as if that’s a stupid question.  “She wants to know if you met a woman called Sugar Lewis?”

Tony squints and thinks harder, trying to remember the fuzzy parts of his blacked out youth.  “I can’t remember every chick I met almost 30 years ago.  Why does she ask?”

Thor laughs and shows Tony the phone, “She believes there’s a chance you could be her long-lost father.  Her mother is a school principal now but was studying to be a nurse at the time.  Can you not recall meeting her?”

Tony snatches the phone and ignores how Bruce has started smirking at the news.

“This is stupid.  I can’t be her dad.  I was really careful.  I’m sure I was.  I even went as far to get a vasectomy once.  Or twice.  I forget.  I might not have done it all, the doctor was hot the first time and I got a little sidetracked.  I think I went to the same doctor…”  He stops rambling to remember but all he can think about is a new way to improve the propulsion of his suit.  So he gives up and takes the phone, “Okay, let’s just put a reminder for next week.  Get DNA test of Darcy Lewis.  Check.  Call lawyers.  Check.  There.  Now if you don’t mind I want… what’s that?”  Tony points to the egg that Thor is carefully adjusting and setting up on the table.

“It seems Loki’s magic has gotten away from him again.  He has laid this egg.  We do not know who the father is yet, as it a magical birth.  It could be anyone he’s had contact with in the last year or so.”

Tony wants to faint.  There’s a possibility he may have two kids, in one day.  “I’m going to go lay down.”

Bruce turns to Thor with a tight smile, just barely holding back his laughter.  “That was mean.”

“He threw a gauntlet at me.  My brother is the god of tricksters.  If there’s anything I’ve learned in the last thousand years it's how to play a prank.”

He claps Bruce on the shoulder and retires to his own room.

Bruce reopens his laptop.  He closes the browser and reopens the data he was checking before.  He frowns because according to the universe wi-fi he’s using, the one signal he was tracking before is now everywhere.  He makes an app to pinpoint a signal’s origin for his phone and decides to go for a walk.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been re-watching Dexter's Lab on Netflix.  
> I forgot all about The Justice Friends.


	3. Goosed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *edited 10-7-17

Doctor Victor Von Doom.

Is really bored. 

It would seem Earth’s mightiest heroes aren’t actually in New York, or well, anywhere in the world.  The whole planet seems like it is waiting for the do-gooders to return.  Crime is down, villains are listlessly walking the streets as if to say _“Should I rob a bank now, or go buy a foot long at Subways?”_

Doom had planned for a council of self-named super villains to meet in Italy.  But four out the seven had to drop out citing, “Unavailable” for that time being.  Cretins.  Cowards.  It was as if everyone was afraid to act without supervision, afraid to throw an apocalyptic party while their valiant parents were out of town.  It was pathetic.  So. 

Doom too decided to lay low.  Not out of fear.  Just to plan for the destruction of Doom’s enemies in the most glorious kind of destructive spectacle.  When they returned from wherever they disappeared to.  While making up his nefarious plans, he can’t help but think of Loki.  The last time Doom saw the God of Lies, the ancient man was naked from the waist down and tearing through Doom’s library.

Then he just disappeared.  Doom can’t say that wasn’t expected but he did assume the god would reappear after a month a two and now with the change in their ‘relationship’ (what does one call it when you start to sleep with a creature who you don’t trust, is a different species, and betrays you on bi-monthly routine?) Doom was looking forward to seeing Loki.

Still.  So.

Doom is left hanging.  He feels certain Loki was only using him, and that they may have a chance to enjoy carnal relations again.  And he’s heard through the grapevine (the evil grapevine sponsored by AT&T) that Loki has been captured all this time.  Well, Doom assumes this must be true because the Earth has gone a whole year without a sibling rivalry deathmatch.

Doom is down in one of his labs working with samples of Loki’s genetic material he kept when he hears a strange honking noise. 

He looks up to the window, and sees a large goose, sitting on the sill.  The goose honks again and Doom briefly considers blowing it up or ordering a servant to catch it for dinner.  The goose tilts her head back, honks loudly and flies off.  It leaves a white egg perched upright on the sill.  The whole thing is very curious.  Doom carefully takes the egg down from the sill and smiles at it.  He supposes it wouldn’t hurt to waste some time x-raying an egg before he eats it.

* * *

 

Thor gathers all his Midgardian friends to come to the first evening ceremony.  (Well, mostly he finds them at random in his residence and Hawkeye mysteriously reappears on a balcony.)  He wakes Tony up, telling the man that he has had another message from Darcy.  Tony tries to go back to bed, but Thor sends a tailor in to finally make Tony some less comical clothing.

Bruce is tapping away distractedly with his computer while Tony is quickly in fitted into some Asgard finery.  Natasha looks bored but resigned.  And Clint looks like he just fell out of the twilight zone.  He’s wearing this suspicious haunted look and keeps checking all the chairs before he is seated.  Thor realizes where he has been after a moment of observation.  “I see you went next door.”

Steve, just entering his from his room asks, “What?  What’s next door.”

Thor smiles broadly.  “The residence next door, just beyond our garden.  They are Loki’s rooms.  We have not changed anything since he fell.  There is a good chance it is still booby-trapped.”

Clint confirms with a nod, “…got it in one big guy.  Didn’t your brother ever have any normal hobbies?”

Thor looks thoughtful for a moment, “Nay- even his gardening outside had an ulterior motive.  He once made me help plant a great fruit tree and told me I could keep the fruit for myself.  I got so drunk I tried to marry my goats."

Steve snickers, “So that’s why you have two bathtubs in the giant bath?”

Clint snorts, “Bathtubs? You mean the Olympic his and his matching swimming pools.  I didn’t know what to think of that."

Tony frowns, "...why because of the goat harem in the bathroom?"

Clint ignores him.  "So I went in the next room and nearly got shot in the face with a gilded arrow.  I’m keeping it by the way.  Tell your brother, he can’t have it back.  If he wanted it he shouldn’t be throwing it at people.”

Bruce interrupts them and they will all have to wait and hear about Barton’s adventure in Lokiland later.

“Guys.  Something’s been kind of making me worried.  Come take a look at this.”  Bruce leans over to give everyone a view.

They all circle around his computer.  There’s a 3D shape.  It looks like the citadel of Asgard’s capital.  Thor even helpfully points it out, “Is that the city, and the palace and the Bifrost?”

Bruce nods, “I’m building a map with the crystal you gave me.  It’s like it’s a model of where all the waves that give power to this thing come from, that’s all the white, see…”  He spins the model in zooms into the center, “All branching out from the center there.”

Thor claps Bruce on the shoulder, “That is Yggdrasil, sustaining Asgard and all the Nine Realms from its bountiful branches.”

Bruce smirks, not really believing that.  “Right.  Whatever it is, it is giving off infinite energy.  And here,” he says zooming into the land just inside the palace walls.  “This bit is Loki’s tower.  See that red light?”  The other Avengers hover closely over his shoulders to peer at the screen. At the top of the tower model, there is a red dot bobbing around.  “That would be a signal I’m tracing back to Loki.  I started working on it to trace his magic back at the Avenger's Tower when he was still our house guest.”

“Experimenting on house guests?”  Chimes in Tony.  “I’m so proud of you right now.”

Bruce ducks his head, blushing a little.  “Anyway, that’s not the remarkable part.  This is.”

He zooms out and you can see one more dot at the base of the tower.  Then further out even more dots, dozens inside the palace and hundreds outside of it in the city and neighboring countryside.

Thor and the others frown at the scene.  So Thor has to ask, “Is this wrong?  Perhaps you are not accurate enough to tell one of Asgard apart from another.”

Bruce takes his glasses and cleans them off with his shirt.  “I’ll put it to you this way big guy.  Unless we’re looking at an army of Frost Giants in Asgard we are definitely looking at Loki.  Or rather traces of Loki.  I was wondering if maybe he put spells on all these people?”  He puts his glasses back looks up at Thor.

Thor is frowning with concentration, “Why?  He has nothing to gain from hurting a random number of common people.  There must be more to it.”  Two servants come in and alert them all that the ceremony is about to begin and Thor needs to be present.  Thor makes his apologies but asks his friends to continue this discussion later this evening.

Bruce closes his laptop but pulls out his phone, “Don’t mind me.  I’ll just take some passive readings while we're out.  No one will notice.”

The ceremony takes place in a gigantic open courtyard that is full of royalty, dignitaries, and diplomats.  As well as few thousand lucky citizens.  The King, Queen, and Thor are at seated in front of a large potted tree.  Thor’s new companions are off to the side and have the best view of the ceremony.  As Odin starts to rattle off a speech about the prosperity of Asgard, Clint tunes it out.  He decides he’d be better entertained taking a good look around.

For starters, there seems to be a rowdy group of dwarves a few yards behind them.  The small group of little men is armed with pickaxes and making a fuss about not seeing anything.  Clint starts to laugh but after a closer look, he sees that the tallest dwarf (a handsome well-groomed young man) is actually a little taller than himself.  He moves on. 

While snooping around Loki’s rooms he found books about the different species among the realms.  He even got caught up reading it for about an hour.  Here he sees tall, ethereal men and women dressed in green and white.  The light elves he assumes.  There’s also a weird ass bunch of dudes in creepy masks and armor.  They have pointed ears, though, so he assumes they’re just badass dark elves wearing their badassery in leather and bone.   He can respect that.  He turns back to his friends. 

Natasha is respectfully paying attention to the ceremony (who knows what she’s really plotting).  Thor, of course, is seated next to his father, but he’s staring at the tree with a far-off look in his eyes.  Bruce is as promised tinkering with his phone, turning it to the crowd and frowning in concentration.  Steve is being helpful and letting an adorable little girl sit on his shoulders for a better look.  And then there’s Tony.

Tony Stark is staring openly at a group of young maidens.  He and the young women exchange smiles and Tony even waves at them, sending the girls into a fit of suppressed giggles.  Judging from the skin coloring and red hair Clint assumes they are from Vanaheimr.  One of the girls laughs behind her hands then shows Tony her open palm.  She closes it and reopens it revealing a tiny paper flower.  Clint feels nauseous.  He’s never going to like seeing magic.  This spell seems benign though, the flower floating over to Tony while the girls all smile and bat and their eyes.  Tony opens the flower, grins, and elbows Clint on the side.  “I got directions to their guest room.  How do you like them apples?!”

Clint shakes his head, “They’re probably old enough to be your grandmother.”

Tony shrugs, “My mom’s mom was a Miss America.”

Clint rolls his eyes and goes back to the ceremony.  Odin has finished his long-winded speech and hands a sharp, but elegant-looking knife to his wife.  She reaches out to a branch that’s dangling several ripe golden fruits.   Thor stands to the side with an elaborate plate.  Frigga cuts the stems of four apples and with practiced grace moves between the tree and Thor, laying out four whole apples.

She cuts a slice from one and hands it to Odin.  He eats it with all the dignity a one-eyed god can put into masticating in public.  She takes the next apple and cuts a slice for herself and quickly and daintily eats it.  When it Thor’s turn to eat a slice, he does it slowly, and with none of the happiness and vigor he usually injects into eating everything.  The last apple stays on the plate, but the Queen still cuts a slice before she puts it aside and retakes her seat.

Clint can hear murmurs from the crowd.  Not so loud that a half-blind king can overhear, but enough to let the archer catch a few snippets. 

“…he’s gone mad you know…  Still, they mourn?  He’s a murderer...  You could never trust him, a snake even when he was child… remember the time he whored himself out to the Vanir court... What good will immortality do him now in his cage?  Well, he is a _frost_ giant.”

Clint grinds his teeth.  Even when he felt the strongest kind of revulsion for Loki, he wouldn’t say half the things the first-rate citizens of Asgard and noble dignitaries are hissing.  He’s starting to think about saying something in defense of Loki.  Maybe not for the psycho leather-wearing prick that mind-whammied him, but for the desperate woman that snuck in under his radar back at the Avenger’s Tower.

Bruce chooses this exact moment to point his phone at the little girl on top of Steve’s shoulder.  The little girl wiggles down and starts to run back, through the crowd of people.  Bruce taps Clint on the shoulder and points after the girl.  “Could you follow her?”

“Of course,” says Clint.  “But why?”

Bruce taps at his phone some more, “Because the origin- the signal has moved from the tower, to well…”  Clint looks out into the crowd and sees people parting to make way for something pushy and knee-high. Not precisely understanding he looks back Bruce, but Bruce is distracted taking readings from a man with a ridiculously huge codpiece.

Still.  A Little girl in distress?  Missing demigod?

Clint runs off to find the girl.  He follows a flash of her little yellow cape through the crowds back into a banquet hall.  He thinks he’s lost her for a moment when he sees the tail end of a little red shoe peeking out from one of the tables.  He goes over and lifts the tablecloth.

Under the table, the little girl looks up and squeals.  “Shh,” hushes Clint.  “Come out from under there… I’m not going to hurt you.  My name’s Clint Barton.  Who are you?”

The little girl smiles at him and sticks out her hand in greeting, “I’m Modun.”

The little girl looks Asian.  She couldn’t be any more than five or six but Clint can’t tell when he’s dealing with immortals and gods.  “Why don’t you come out from under there Modun?  Is your mom or dad around?  Do you need help finding them?”

He reaches under the table and helps her out and since the table is otherwise unoccupied, he sits her on top to have an eye to eye conversation.  Clint’s good with kids.  The little girl approves and smiles at him.  “My dad is a warrior, but he died and went to Valhalla.  My mom is a maid for the kitchen.  She told me I could watch the ceremony today if I finished my chores.  And I did!”  She says proudly, “Almost all of them!”

“Almost huh,” Clint pats her on the head and lets her off the table.  “Okay, well go and finish those chores, and behave yourself.”  Clint’s good with kids.  Kids are sweet and precocious and there’s no reason to be wary with kids.

The little girl smiles and shows off all the toothless gaps in her grin.  “I still have to go to my auntie’s house.  She’s been ill, so Mother is sending her some soup and medicine.”

Clint frowns at that, “Does she live nearby?”

Modun nods and takes Clint by the hand.  “You can come with me if you want?  Can I braid your hair?”

Clint smiles, “Nah.  Maybe next time.”  He’s one of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.  Of course, he can spare a moment to escort a kid to her sick auntie’s house.


	4. A House Made Out Of Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With their cute little snaggletooth smiles, and big innocent eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *edited 10-7-10

Clint hates kids.

All kids everywhere.  With their cute little snaggletooth smiles, and big innocent eyes.  Of course, his little yellow cape is a double operative.  He liked her immediately because she reminded him of someone.  He just wasn’t thinking it was Natasha.  He should have been.  This kid has apparently gone to the same school of hard knocks _and_ theater. 

Modun had taken him by the hand and led him through some narrow streets, “This way, Mr. Barton.”  Clint had let his guard down.  Hell, he didn’t even have his bow.  It turned out Modun was armed enough for the both of them though.  She led them into an alleyway and knocked on a door, grinning up at Clint with a little basket of soup and medicine.  “Let me in.  I have brought goodies!”

A faint voice called out from the other side, “Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin.”

Modun surprised Barton, throwing the basket in his face and then landing a spectacular kick to the side of his head.  Really, Clint was almost proud to be knocked out by such an ass-kicker prodigy.

The door opened and a great looming figure stood over Clint and the little girl.  “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in,” giggled Modun.  Before he completely lost consciousness Clint saw the girl give the other wolf a hug.

* * *

 

Freyr and Freyja were returned to Vanaheim when Loki and Thor were still children.

Before they left, they entertained both of the princes with their magic.  They use to invite Loki and Thor to visit them during the summer.  As the boys got older, Thor declined to pursue more manly things.  Like pig hunting.  Loki was still enchanted with magic and until he was fourteen, he went alone to Vanaheim to dance and sing and read with the Vanir and Elves and the most magically inclined folk of the nine realms.  On one such trip, he learned to walk between the realms.  It took a great deal of research and bartering for magic, (and a promise to father a tree nymph by standing naked under the quarter moon on a strangely orange mountain…) he did what he had to do. 

When Loki learned to fully control his shape-shifting he stopped experimenting with animal forms and learned to cast a projection of himself while walking in the skin of another person.  Shortly after this, when he changed into a young girl, did he find himself again in Vanaheim.  In a rather public display, Freyr asked for his hand in marriage.  Odin was outraged and banned Loki from ever traveling to the realm again.  So Loki went back immediately and accepted the proposal.

For nearly two months Freyr and Freya delighted Loki with magic, (sex), books, (sex), and forbidden knowledge (sex).  Then, just before the wedding, a storm giant kidnapped Freya.   Loki did everything in his power to retrieve her and finally returned to the Vanir capitol with Freya in tow.  She was only a nut but Freyr was sure they could still work her into the wedding party and made her a little gown, just in case no one figured out to change her back. 

Loki was happy and thought nothing could possibly go wrong.  That’s when Freyr invited Odin and Frigga to the wedding.  Loki had hoped that his father would be too ashamed or too proud to appear at the wedding of his youngest son.  He woke up, pressed the tiny nut sized gown for Freya and prepared himself to become the next future queen of the Vanir.  He was alright with this.   The Vanir were an indulgent people and weren’t bothered by Loki’s nature at all.  Loki was very happy.

Until a few hours later when his father appeared and praised him in front of the whole court.  “What a beautiful daughter I have.  What a beautiful little girl.”  Odin kissed Loki on the forehead, “Surely you are made for this.  Uniting our kingdoms after so long at war.  Well, that was in the past.  You’ve always had a gentle nature about you.  Surely this is all the more fitting.  I am very proud to have you as a daughter, Loki.”  Odin took Loki’s hand and gave it a kiss. 

Thor gave a tight-lipped smile and Frigga turned away, frowning.

The court erupted in cheers because of course this was the bad blood between two houses finally coming clean.

But Loki stood there gasping for air.  Suddenly his corset was too tight.  The hand his father held was damp with sweat.  He felt faint, he felt nauseous.  He heard Odin’s words replay in his head and came to the proper conclusion.  _“You are not good enough to be a **son** of Odin.”_

Loki still hadn’t caught his breath as his father lead him down the aisle and gave him away.  Loki looked up to Freyr and the smiling red-headed god of beauty suddenly seemed hideous.  “ _A plot_ ,” Loki thought.  “ _All this time…  They have all conspired against me.  Even you, Freyr.”_

Loki snatched away his hand and tore off his veil and tiara, throwing them at Freyr’s feet.  “There will be no wedding today!  I am still Loki!  I am a GOD, and will not be traded between old foolish men!”  He stepped back and disappeared from the hall.  Freyr looked crestfallen.  He took his twin sister in the palm of his hand and left the hall. 

Odin simply took a glass and smiled, “I knew that wouldn’t last.  It simply wasn’t meant to be.”

Frigga openly sneered at her husband and left the hall as well.

Only Thor stood by his father’s side.  “Will Loki come home now, father?" 

Odin clapped his son on the shoulder, “We will bring him home.”

* * *

 

 

Clint finds himself dreaming.  He knows he’s dreaming, the way all people do when time is moving in jumps, you move from place to place, you don’t remember how you got there.  Also, he’s seen Inception like a hundred times.  He knows he’s dreaming.  He knows he’s not alone.  There is a nagging sensation at the back of his skull.  He opens his eyes in his dream world. 

–Oh, he thinks.  It’s a bad dream.

He finds himself in Loki’s bed.  When he went snooping around the Trickster god made it hard to get into his antechambers and secret laboratories, but not his bedroom.  The room looks clean and spartan.  The bed wasn’t as big as the one he’d spied in Thor’s room.  There’s no massive lump of gold and red sheets covered in pelts.  Instead, it is a simple nearly queen sized bed with a silk green sheet set and one fluffy pillow.  Clint sits up straight and takes in the rest of the room.  It’s his dream so it must be built up from his memory.  Yet, he’s seen Inception like a hundred times, and he knows he’s dreaming.  Something is off.  His head feels cloudy and muddled but he knows he’s not alone and looking around the room, there’s too much detail.  Even for him.

“Come out.  Whoever or whatever the hell you are.  Come out and stop messing with my head.”

He hears a laugh from just outside the room’s door.  The door opens and Clint can’t say he’s the least bit surprised.

“Loki.  Why am I not surprised?”  He rolls his eyes and crosses his arm.  It’s only a dream and he’s been body snatched by Loki before.  “Let me guess.  You want me to do your evil bidding.  Sabotage the celebration, ruin Thor’s birthday, kill your father, yadda, yadda.”

Loki steps into the room and takes a seat from the desk and sits in front of the bed.  He sits and considers Barton a moment before changing back into his female visage.  “Interesting.  You prefer me this way?”

Clint doesn’t think he’s blushing.  It’s his dream.  He’d know if he was blushing.  “And your point is, princess?”

“I want you to help me escape the tower.”  He leans over, “Again.”

Clint starts to get up out of the bed, but something keeps him in his place.  It’s okay though, it’s only a dream.  “When I wake up I’m so putting an arrow through your eye.”

Loki smirks and conjures an arrow into his hand, “You say that so often.   Could you really bare to see that?  Your good work, master spy?”  Loki continues to smirk while quickly shoving the arrow into his own eye. 

Clint will later take pride in himself for not flinching at the sight of a lovely woman shoving an arrow into her own skull.  But not much because he’s only dreaming and he’s had worst nightmares.  “That all you got?  That’s pretty short of psychological trauma.  Especially since I still want to do it.”

Loki sighs like he’s bored and takes the arrow out of his head.  Suddenly he’s back to being male and sitting with his legs crossed in the chair.

“Clint Barton.  You are a tough little bird.  I have always admired your heart.  I need it once again.  Will you help us?”

Clint frowns, “Who the hell is ‘us’?”

* * *

 

In the tower, Loki sits in the center of his bed.  With the curtains drawn and unable to walk out without assistance he waits for a visit from his mother.  Perhaps she will still deliver his First Apple.  He doesn’t appreciate sentimentality from most, but…

There is no time to think about that.

He takes a deep breath and continues moving pieces around on the largest chess board he’s ever played with.  In one corner of his mind, he can feel Clint Barton resisting intrusion and suggestion.  That’s interesting.  The man is always surprising him with his competence.

In another corner, he can see through the eyes of his goose.  In flight, it only spies the cloudy smog-filled skies upon Midgard.  He has a few more deliveries to make more before he can summon the bird back.  He reaches out still further and makes sure all the moves he has made so far will stand up to scrutiny when his opponent makes his next move.

Speaking of…

He spies on Odin, casting a shadow of himself as a magpie that flutters down into the house of Sleipnir.  Sleipnir has his own little palace, because he is the king’s favorite grandson.  And how the king is spoiling the child lately, feeding him sugar and apples whenever Sleipnir nays or nods his head.  Loki does not know what to make of this.  Perhaps Odin really has lost his mind and the next Odinsleep will be his last.  It is no matter.  Loki has plans and backup plans for every scenario, even one as unexpected as his captor going mad. 

He looks in on the Avengers walking the halls of the palace.  Banner is getting uncomfortably close to seeing the whole picture, but Loki’s plans and plots and sends out diversions.  He nudges a line of code in the scientist’s device.  He watches as the man tries to frantically save it, but it’s too late.  It deletes all the data he’s collected.  Loki smirks and watches Banner eyes tint green and Romanoff tries to calm him down.

Steve has caught up to Stark and perhaps saved the smaller man from getting on the bad side of a Vanir noblemen.  Stark was sitting shirtless in the middle of a bed while the daughters of Lord Nimo inspected his reactor.  With their tongues.  Just for that, Loki sends a few of the pictures Stark has snapped to Pepper Potts.  He genuinely likes her and thinks she would like to discuss Stark’s brand of diplomacy when he gets home.

Then there’s Thor.  Loki puts a great deal of effort into finding his not-brother within the palace, but there is nothing.  Then he searches out in the city, and still, there is nothing. 

“Where have you gone, you great oaf?”  He closes his eyes and tries harder.

Suddenly, the curtain to his bed is swept aside and Loki nearly faints from the surprise of it.  There stands Thor at the foot of his bed.

“What are you up to Loki,” asks the God of Thunder.

Loki grimaces, “Knocking!  Ever heard of it?!”

Thor smirks and points to the doorway, “You haven’t a door to knock on, brother."  His grin gets impossibly wider, "I see you are no longer a goose.”

Loki scowls and sits back further his bed, “What do you want?”

Thor looks a little flushed like he ran all the way the stairs.  He moves to the side and lets Loki see that behind him on the table, a plate with the First Apple from the ceremony.

“You are still family.  I told mother I would deliver it for you.”

Loki can hardly believe that.  “She allowed you up here on your own?

Thor smiles and takes up a step back.  “I told her I would take a guard with me.”

“But he is downstairs,” guesses Loki.

“He is dismissed.”

Loki feels more than a little frightened.  He sits up straighter.  He feels his skin crawling with dread.  “Then what are you here for?” 

Thor closes the black curtain at the foot of the bed and leaves Loki in darkness.

Loki eyes dart back in forth unseeing in the dark.  He stops and calms himself.  His mind reaches out and he can feel himself peering down on the bed he occupies, about to look out around the room.  Just a the picture comes into focus a bright column of light whites out his vision. 

Thor stands close to the right of him, holding open the curtain.  “I won’t harm you, brother.  I promise.”

Loki sighs and changes back into his female form.  “Just get it over with.”

Thor cants his head to the side and takes in the sight of his brother.

Loki lays down on his back and closes his eyes.  He was not certain, but he suspected Thor would lose control and find his way up here eventually to ravish him.  All the better, at least if the marriage is consummated he will have a legitimate claim to the throne that being the ousted son has taken from him.  He plans and plots.  And he lies there waiting.

And Thor laughs. 

Thor laughs out loud, throwing his head back and even snorting.  Thor laughs for a full minute, standing there and looking at Loki as if his brother has told the funniest joke in the universe.

The laughter ebbs away, but it still sparkles in Thor's eyes.  He even wipes away a few tears as he ties back the curtain.  “I came here to find answers brother,” he says through guffaws.  He sits down carefully, and as far away as he can manage.  “I’ll ask again.  What are you up to, Loki?”

Loki feels his jaw open and close like fish gaping on dry land.  Well, Thor merely came up here to tease him.  It is not the first time.  So Loki offers a crooked smile in return.  “What can a goose possibly do atop a tower of gold?”

The smile drops from Thor’s face the sudden change is menacing.  “If you do anything to hurt the citizens of Asgard, Loki, I will kill you.” 

Loki rolls his eyes and leans forward, changing back into a male.  “Don’t start with me, Thor.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is fic is on hiatus until I finally see Thor the Dark World. I'll get back to it eventually.


End file.
